I may write some posts on how not to deal with those who are suffering. This could be the first of a few or just by itself. I must warn you that this is a rant.
When praying for those who are suffering, or anyone for that matter, there are often things they ask for prayer for, but there are also other things we may pray for that are the ‘hidden things’ that we pray but don’t necessarily mention. These things are ideally things that God has given you insight into or that you’ve just noticed about them. You pray for them but don’t necessarily tell them that you are, especially if they are weaknesses they may have, or you just want to let the Holy Spirit work and see what happens.
Then there are things where someone says, “I’m praying for you for your difficulty and also that you will…” This is no longer prayer. It’s a suggestion. You’re telling the person what you think they should be doing, or what would make you feel good so you’re “suggesting” that they do it also because of course it would make them feel better too. These usually aren’t spiritual things, so they may or may not be God’s will. And now you won’t know if the person does these things because you suggested them or because God is strengthening them to be able to do them, if they even want to.
As an example, you may say, “I’m praying that you’ll get out and get more sun (because vitamin D will heal you), that you’ll see your friend more and that you’ll play that sport you used to play.” Well, maybe they’re taking medication that makes them extremely sensitive to the sun (which is actually the case with me), maybe that friend isn’t a friend anymore or isn’t good for them to be in contact with. You may think they should be more social, but sometimes God wants a period of time where He just wants us for Himself. Who knows. They may not have the energy to play that sport anymore or they may not be able to play it well enough for it to be enjoyable any longer.
Often when people are suffering, people feel they have the right to tell them what they think they should be doing. All the while this person is probably doing other activities they enjoy that require less energy or that they’re better able to handle and they may be actually growing a lot more spiritually because of their suffering than the person giving them the “advice”. I don’t know if there is a name for this phenomenon, but it happens all the time. Ask anyone who suffers chronically.
If I may make a suggestion: pray for things they’ve asked for prayer for. If you receive insight from God or from your own senses, use it privately and carefully, not to judge but to lovingly intercede for them. (There is a great quote by Oswald Chambers on this that I can’t find.) Pray for things that are definitely God’s will. You will find them in the Bible. And realize that they aren’t you and you aren’t them and conventional “wisdom” isn’t always the way to go. They don’t enjoy suffering and are doing more than you think to get out of it or to cope. And at some point when your turn comes up, you may actually be asking them for advice on how to grow spiritually or cope with suffering.
The two things people need the most are listening and prayer.
I hope that wasn’t too curmudgeony and I hope it helps someone see things from a different perspective. And those who are suffering need to “make allowance for each others’ faults and forgive anyone who offends them. Remember, the Lord forgave you so you must forgive others.” (Colossians 3:13) We need to use this as an opportunity to grow all the more.




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