When I’m in a really bad state and one or sometimes even all of my chronic conditions flare-up at once, it’s overwhelming, which is the best word I can come up with, but doesn’t begin to describe it. During these times I often go to Psalm 139:13-16. God knew when he created me that I would have these problems. God has my days planned out. God knows how he will glorify himself. God knows how he will work it out for good, not only for me, but for many involved. God isn’t a clean-up man, he has a plan.
I love this recent quote from a woman who has a partial limb on her right side:
I believe with every fiber of my being that I was no accident. God did not look away, drop a thread, and fail to go back and fix a flaw as he was forming me. “Wonderful are [His] works and my soul knows it very well.” God labored over my creation. He had a plan before he started the process. My difference was deliberate. I rest in the knowledge that God created me exactly as I am for His purposes. We don’t always, or even usually, know why things are the way they are, but there is such hope and peace in knowing the care with which we were created.
Early in the article she writes, “I am not, in fact, a victim at all. I was formed this way.” I have come to believe this too. Suffering from pain, anxiety, depression, terrible sleep, doesn’t make me a victim. Nothing that I know of happened to cause any of this. Nor was it fate or bad luck or being unfortunate or any of those things either. It isn’t for lack of trying or lack of faith or prayer or not finding just the right cure (as if there was one for all of those things). I don’t like original sin and the fall, the way this suffering and refining (1 Peter 1:7) and conforming (Romans 8:29) thing works. I do love knowing God (John 17:3) and the hope of heaven (Phil 3:20), and of course the end result, when this will seem like nothing (Romans 8:18). That’s not much help now, but I submit to it by faith.
The LORD asked him, “Who gave humans their mouths? Who makes humans unable to talk or hear? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? It is I, the LORD!
Who was it who spoke and it came into being? It was the Lord who gave the order. 38 Both good and bad come from the mouth of the Most High God.
Psalm 139:13-18 HCSB
For it was You who created my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You
because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.
Your works are wonderful,
and I know [this] very well.
15 My bones were not hidden from You
when I was made in secret,
when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless;
all [my] days were written in Your book and planned
before a single one of them began.
17 God, how difficult Your thoughts are
for me [to comprehend];
how vast their sum is!
18 If I counted them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand;
when I wake up, I am still with You.