5. You see a group of six tulips and just have to cut one off and put it in a vase.

4. You’re relieved you don’t have to explain the gospel, except to Arminians.*

3. You don’t think Thomas Schreiner is a Calvinist because he really does think all or everyone really means all in 2 Peter 3:9.

2. You call John Calvin by his first name.

1. You contributed to Rob Bell’s PR campaign in some way.

*This is not meant to disparage Arminians. In keeping with the spirit of the post, it’s making fun of Calvinists who try to convert people who are already Christians, in addition to the absurd idea that Calvinists don’t need to evangelize.

Click it

Here are some facetious but Biblically accurate* book titles I was thinking of. Do you think they would sell?

• The Sermon on the Mount: How To Lose Your Self Esteem
• Your Best Life Then – How God Uses Weakness and Suffering To Achieve Your Spiritual Potential
• Be Prepared: Things Can Always Get Worse
• How God Ordains Evil

Just plain facetious:

• How To Start a Coffeeshop In Your Church

Do you have any to add?

* Inevitably, some will quibble with this.

Originally posted on March 8, 2008:

Here are some facetious but Biblically accurate book titles I was thinking of. Do you think they would sell?

• The Sermon on the Mount: How To Lose Your Self Esteem
• Your Best Life Then – How God Uses Weakness and Suffering To Achieve Your Spiritual Potential
• Be Prepared: Things Can Always Get Worse
• How God Ordains Evil

Just plain facetious:

• How To Start a Coffeeshop In Your Church

Do you have any to add?

Zealots, whatever their cause, invariably lack a sense of humor.

–Paul Graham

I take exception to that!

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time.’ So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

–Steven Wright

My most humorous (or sad) Bible verse:
Acts 17:23

For as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription, ‘To the unknown god.’ What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you.

–Paul

What’s yours?