I found this tucked into an interview with Randy Alcorn on suffering and evil.
How Could A Good God Allow Suffering and Evil? (PDF Document)
A Biblical Approach To The Logical And Emotional Problems Of Evil
by Andrew David Naselli
One of my favorite parts is:
You shouldn’t say certain things to people who are suffering.
The first eight are from Feinberg, who shares what is inappropriate to say.
- Don‘t say, “There must be some great sin you‘ve committed; otherwise this wouldn‘t be happening to you.”
- “Another mistake is to focus on the loss of things rather than the loss of people.”
- “Sometimes people try to comfort us by convincing us that what has happened spares us from other problems.” “Insensitive speculations about the future” are not helpful.
- Don‘t say, “Well, everyone‘s going to die from something. You just know in advance what it is in your wife‘s case.” That‘s comfort?
- “As we fumble for something to say that will comfort our friend or loved one, somehow it seems appropriate to say, “I know how you must feel at a time like this.” Through my experiences, I have learned how unhelpful this comment can be. One problem is that it isn‘t true, and the sufferer knows it. Hence, it sounds phony when you say it. . . . What helps is not knowing you feel like I do but knowing that you care!”
- “My friend replied that I was too focused on various models of God and that I needed to recognize that God is bigger than all those conceptions [of God].” This “treats what is fundamentally an emotional problem as if it were an intellectual problem.”
- Don‘t say, “When things like this happen, aren‘t you glad you‘re a Calvinist? Isn‘t it great to know that God is ultimately in control of it all, and he‘s already planned the way out of your problem?” “I am a Calvinist, and I found that comment distressing, not helpful.”
- Don‘t say, “You aren‘t spiritually mature until you‘re happy about this.” Feinberg heard an interview on Moody radio of a couple that had just lost their daughter in an auto-accident: “They concluded that even though the loss of their daughter was hard, it was all for the best. I heard that and felt more guilt. It seemed the height of Christian maturity to take life‘s harshest blows and say that it was good that this had happened. If that was what it meant to be victorious in the midst of affliction, I knew I was far from that. I couldn‘t rejoice over the evil that had befallen and would befall my family. But I thought I was supposed to, so my sense of inadequacy increased.”
- Don‘t glibly quote Romans 8:28. Not helpful!
- “Many verbal expressions of encouragement should not be based on the assumption that they must answer an implicit ‘Why?‘ Not everyone asks that question.”
In addition to Feinberg:
See the document for things you can do.
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