Ephesians 4:15
…speaking the truth in love…
I always thought of this as synonymous with “tough love”. Which would be something like pointing out someone’s fault(s)–something they might not want to hear, but doing it with an attitude of love. This is the only way I’ve heard anyone use this phrase.
Is that what Paul means here?
First, the immediate context:
Ephesians 4:14-15 NRSV
We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. 15 But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
Paul is speaking about doctrine or teaching here.
Edit: Quotes from O’Brien’s commentary:
A sharp contrast…is drawn between the final words of v. 14 and this opening clause of v. 15. Over against the ‘crafty scheming’ stands the expression in love (a key phrase in the letter), while speaking the truth is set in opposition to the words ‘of error’. Thus, speaking the truth in love lays out a twofold contrast with the false teachers: the latter were presenting false doctrine in a deceptive manner, but over against this God’s people are to grow through proclaiming the truth in love.
…
…the apostle is not exhorting his readers to truthfulness in general or speaking honestly with one another, however appropriate or important this may be. Rather, he wants all of them to be members of a ‘confessing’ church, with the content of their testimony to be ‘the word of truth’, the gospel of their salvation.
What is the truth?
Colossians 1:5 NRSV
You have heard of this hope before in the word of the truth, the gospel
Galatians 2:5 NRSV
we did not submit to them even for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might always remain with you.
Galatians 2:14 NRSV
But when I saw that they were not acting consistently with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?”
Ephesians 1:13 NRSV
In him you also, when you had heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and had believed in him, were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit;
A passage that is similar to Ephesians 4:14-15:
Philippians 1:15-17 NRSV
Some proclaim Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from goodwill. 16 These proclaim Christ out of love, knowing that I have been put here for the defense of the gospel; 17 the others proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but intending to increase my suffering in my imprisonment.
By proclaiming the truth and speaking sound doctrine (Titus 1:9, Titus 2:10) to each other “we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,”.
Normally I would stop there and smugly think that now I know that speaking the truth in love isn’t about rebuking someone (edit: related to their own personal faults unrelated to doctrine or the gospel), which is addressed elsewhere in Scripture (although an example noted in Galatians 2:14 above). But the in love part is important and shouldn’t be overlooked.
When talking about doctrine to a fellow brother or sister, or proclaiming the gospel, it should be out of love. I don’t think I would ever do these things deceitfully, but selfish ambition of some sort is definitely a possibility. I could try to get somebody to come over to “my side”, convince them to have the same doctrine as me, show them how much knowledge I think I have about something etc. My attitude should be to have their best interests in mind (Philippians 2:4, Ephesians 4:29) out of love for them and most of all to glorify God.
Romans 15:5-6 NRSV
May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, in accordance with Christ Jesus, 6 so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Supplements
Galatians
Please excuse this post for being like a rough draft. I spent too much time on it already. If you can make it to the end you will either be rewarded, frustrated or wonder why I’m writing about things you already know.
Galatians 2:16 NRSV yet we know that a person is justified not by the works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ. And we have come to believe in Christ Jesus, so that we might be justified by faith in Christ, and not by doing the works of the law, because no one will be justified by the works of the law.
Most of us believe that works (of the law) will not save us and it is by God’s grace through faith in/of Christ that we are saved. Longenecker defines Paul’s use of “the law” as:
Paul adds another dimension to this in his letter to the Galatians. He is also saying that the law can’t add anything to what Christ has done for us nor can it perfect our salvation. There is no supplement regarding our standing before God. If we “obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thess 5:9) and then try to perfect it by works of the law, we are going backwards:
Galatians 3:3 NRSV Are you so foolish? Having started with the Spirit, are you now ending with the flesh?
Longenecker says,
Longenecker quotes Betz,
Longenecker:
It’s interesting to note that whenever Paul mentions Abraham and the covenant, he never mentions circumcision, which is one of the ‘works of the law’ that the Judaizers where claiming the Galatians needed to perform. The promise of Abraham did not come through the law but through the righteousness of faith (Rom 4:11-13; also see 1 Cor 7:19).
Galatians 3:6-18 NRSV Just as Abraham “believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness,” so, you see, those who believe are the descendants of Abraham. And the scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, declared the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, “All the Gentiles shall be blessed in you.” For this reason, those who believe are blessed with Abraham who believed. For all who rely on the works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the things written in the book of the law.” Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law; for “The one who is righteous will live by faith.” But the law does not rest on faith; on the contrary, “Whoever does the works of the law will live by them.” Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”— in order that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith. Brothers and sisters, I give an example from daily life: once a person’s will has been ratified, no one adds to it or annuls it. Now the promises were made to Abraham and to his offspring; it does not say, “And to offsprings,” as of many; but it says, “And to your offspring,” that is, to one person, who is Christ. My point is this: the law, which came four hundred thirty years later, does not annul a covenant previously ratified by God, so as to nullify the promise. For if the inheritance comes from the law, it no longer comes from the promise; but God granted it to Abraham through the promise.
Galatians 5:18 NRSV But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the law.
*According to Longenecker, nomism is “expressing their Christian convictions in their lifestyle in ways compatible with Jewish tradition” which was not to be foisted on the Gentile Galatians. Although, “To be a Jewish believer in Jesus did not mean turning one’s back on one’s own culture or nation. Yet no longer could it be argued that circumcision, Jewish dietary laws, following distinctly Jewish ethical precepts, or any other matter having to do with a Jewish lifestyle were requisite for the life of faith.”
Update: Please see the first comment by Bryan.