Right now I know that lately I have slipped back a little in my willingness to abandon myself to God.
A good indicator for me is reading the book The Pursuit of God. The first time I read it, I wasn’t ready to fully embrace it. By the second time I read it, I was ready to get with the program as best as this sinner can with God’s grace.
I have the prayers from the end of each chapter printed out. Here is one of them that is especially relevant these days.
Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God, Chapter 2.
wow, I was thinking on this topic just 2 days ago on my drive home from work.
I was thinking to myself – you are jealous of the close relationship other people have with God. And he is individually jealous of the close relationship (you/every individual) have with your possession/significant other/athletic pursuits.
Whereas there is infinitely more of Him to share with others…there is only one of (your) heart to GIVE to Him. That’s a tight space.
this book is an amazing read – challenging too – and to think he wrote the whole thing on his knees.